The Guernsey Lockdown Blog

 

 “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” - Aristotle 

Ok, Ok, I’ll write another blog, stop asking me. I have been inundated with requests to write another blog to cheer people up…well maybe not inundated…it was more a trickle of requests from close acquaintances…mainly from me…ok, it was just from me. But here you are, reading it again, so look who’s the idiot now, not me, definitely not me…ok it might be me. To be honest not much has happened since my last blog so I don’t really know what to write about…lol jokes, just kidding, enjoy! 

66 hours…66 hours of freedom. I quarantined for 13 days to get 66 hours of freedom. Was it worth it? Was it?! I’m still working that one out. Yes, I get it, I was very privileged to be in that situation any way, only by way of my citizenship from birth. But if I’m being completely honest with myself and you, it sucks sooooo much. I had all these plans of going out and enjoying a Covid free life for a couple of weeks: meeting old acquaintances, drinking in pubs, walking into establishments without a mask on. Alas! Now I’m back to lockdown. 1 permitted outdoor exercise a day lockdown. I’m now in a very select worldwide community in which I am now in my 4th Lockdown, the membership prices are cheap I suppose. It’s only cost me £300 to fly to and from Guernsey. Mile for mile the most expensive flight in the world.

What did I do with my freedom? What didn’t I do with it. I shook peoples hands, I went into other households freely, I met friends, I swam in the sea, I joined a gym, I got a professional haircut, I went into shops without a mask, I went into pubs, I didn’t have to book anything ahead, I stood at bars, I didn’t have to order from an app, I didn’t have to stay on the designated table, I touched people without fear of whether they are ok with contact(I don’t mean for that to sound creepy), I walked along pavements and didn’t cross the road when someone else came the other way, I could be spontaneous without planning. The strangest thing I did was have Tapas with my brother and his friends, perhaps the most Covid un-friendly activity. Crammed into a small gastro-bar, squeezed up next to stagers, sharing food from each others plates, all the while getting progressively bladdered on the local golden nectar.

“The Baliwick of Guernsey is going into lockdown with immediate effect” - The States of Guernsey

UK people are probably asking “Whats a bailiwick?” I personally like to refer to the bailiwick as more of an Empire. Deputy Peter Ferbrache is essentially Ghengis Khan, but without the horrific torture techniques and genocide…that we know of.

4 cases became 10, 10 became 15, 15 became 52, became 62, 84, 107, 142, 186, 231, now at the time of writing there’s 277 cases. The original 4 cases were tracked down to a popular pub called the Ship & Crown. A pub well known for its very tight spacing but high footfall of patrons. The virus would have had 5 days to spread from that epicentre, but it was also tracked down to a local Dance Festival. Ah yes festivals, well known for their lack of attendances…So I have come to realise, there were active cases before I left quarantine, so I wasn’t in freedom after all, I was walking round without a care in the world thinking it was safe, but little did I know I could have been closer than ever to the virus. My brother thought it would be typical that he managed to survive London for 10 months without getting the virus, to then catch it in “the safest place on earth”. And what was worse, Takeaways were shut under the rules. HAHAHAHABKBHFVHBJKVUYERAYWEBJ. 

The worst thing out of all of this, funeral restrictions. Only 10 people, social distancing, masks. My regular readers will be aware I came back to Guernsey to say goodbye to my grandfather, for my irregular readers well I came back to Guernsey to say goodbye to my grandfather. We were extremely fortunate that our immediate family was 10, but none of his friends would be able to say goodbye. We all have thoughts of what we think our funeral will be like, and the fact there would be restrictions for his is would devastating to think, although he would be none the wiser. But we all agreed that he would have preferred just a small gathering of his immediate family. He would just have to put up with 10 of us singing catholic hymns out of tune and out of rhythm, muffled behind masks, there was no place to hide away from joining in here. I’m even more thankful that I did get to speak at the funeral as well, be it behind a mask. Funerals are weird situations, this was just made even more so.   

In the lead up to the funeral, I became somewhat a local celebrity, national treasure if you wish. At least that is what I’m calling myself, I doubt anybody actually knew about it. I not only appeared on the local BBC News at 6 but I also spoke live on BBC Radio Guernsey. After getting the countless calls from the journalists and paparazzi, 2, I was sitting there thinking:

“Finally my blog and creative genius is finally being recognised by these mere mortals. I will ascend into the higher levels of society and join the aristocracy. The upper crust. The creme de la creme”

However, instead, they actually wanted to speak about how the funeral arrangements had been affected, which I can only assume is a better story for the local people than that of my artistic talents. For those who want to listen to the radio chat, I'd put a link in but I'm lazy, but it's online somewhere, I don’t care where, go search it for yourself. As for the TV interview, It filled my heart with pride to see the news included a picture of my grandfather in the broadcast, and I will be forever thankful to the journalist, Penny Elderfield, for doing that for our family. The radio was live at 7:30am so I not going blame the local population for not sitting by their radios eagerly anticipating my dulcet tones. If you didn’t listen, I know who you are and I know where you live. 

But other than that, lockdown has been almost identical to Quarantine, painstakingly slow, not much to do and all the time to do it in. I even resorted to clearing out my parents food cupboards, I’m not going to embarrass my parents, much, but I will say that I found John West Tuna that went out of date in 2010. That’s before I left Guernsey to go to university. If you want to know what decade old tuna smells like…not good. Infuriatingly, I only packed my bags for freedom, so my lounge wear is very thin on the ground, I’m having to rewash the same joggers over an over again. I can hardly lounge around in out out shirts and jeans. In fact I’ve given up now, I don’t care if I smell like decade old tuna, it’s who I am now.

Thankfully I am currently training with an online personal trainer, which is perhaps the only thing keeping my mind occupied and distanced from eternal existentialism. If there has been one good thing from being in lockdown, it’s that I can’t go sit in a pub 8 hours a day, because that’s exactly what I would be doing. I’m not a specialist, but I don’t think pints fall into a healthy nutrition plan. With less distractions I can fully focus on my physical and mental health, without that dreaded FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Exercise is exceedingly good for your mental health, don’t get me wrong it won’t cure the cause of negative thoughts, but it certainly helps to get you in a proactive and positive mind frame. So I make sure it’s one of the first things I do, otherwise I would be slouching around in a self-loathing duvet cocoon. I also can’t wait to be shredded and be able to wash my clothes on my stomach, I’ve only ever been able to imitate the early 2000’s Reebok advert of “BELLY’S GONNA GET YA!”.

The great thing about Guernsey’s response to the new cases is the accessibility of information on the situation. Daily briefings on facts, figures and Deputy Peter Ferbrache’s will to dominate all living creatures. This island is so lucky to have Dr Nicola Brink as its Chief Medical Officer. A Virologist, you’ve got a bloody Virologist leading the response. Of course that’s why it’s been so good. I’m not sure whether the UK’s CMO Professor Chris Whitty is even a human, and as for MP Matt Hancock…well I’m not sure he ties his own shoelaces himself. There seems to be a correlation with places who have women in charge of the response and dealing with the pandemic in a sensible and reasonable way: Guernsey, Isle of Man(the irony), New Zealand to name but the only few. Maybe the UK should get the dancing queen back into number 10.

The negative to come out of Guernsey’s response, was the public lynch mob. People love a scapegoat, a villain, anything to place blame on. I don’t why as in the case of a virus, it’s pretty much irrelevant. There is a million possibilities of why a single virus cell can be in circulation, I doubt we could ever say with 100% certainty where it would come from. But in terms of scapegoats, the UK have Boris, which is probably fair given that he is an incompetent, insensitive, ignorant imbecile. But in Guernsey, people jumped on the rumour of a Waitress at the pub, Ship and Crown, and alleged boyfriend being arrested, because she apparently saw her quarantined boyfriend for a game of rough and tumble while still in quarantine. Even a picture of the apparent poor girl circulated the WhatsApps of the island, despite no mention of an arrest from the Police and no proof or evidence whatsoever, other than people saying:

“Well my daughter’s, husband’s, colleague, brother’s, aunt’s, friend, who is euchre partner’s to the cleaner of the police station said that they arrested somebody in connection with the outbreak.”

Deputy Ferbrache even had to give the island a telling off for spreading false rumours. I felt like I was in a school assembly being told off by the headmaster, only I was smiling as I wasn’t in the guilty party. But it’s still very disappointing to say the least. You would have thought adults would know better than to circulate unsubstantiated rumours without thinking about who it may affect. Don’t we teach children not to spread rumours…obviously nobody actually cared about the ‘Be Kind’ message in the wake of Caroline Flack’s suicide after she could no longer take unsubstantiated rumours going around of her. If you feel guilty reading that, just make sure you learn the lesson. Don’t spread #FakeNews. If you aren’t 100% sure, guess what, you could be wrong. Even if theoretically it was them, they would have been dealt with accordingly by the police and the justice system. When was that not enough, when did public humiliation become a necessity for the way we deal with people on the island. 

Enough about the negatives though. What I have seen from the public is a reason why this virus hadn’t been in circulation on the island for over 6 months. When I went on my states approved 2 hour exercise, for only the second time since leaving the island did I feel foreign. The first being the time I brought my English car here and incorrectly used a filter in turn, I still hate myself. For only the second time, it was because I walked everywhere and everyone was wearing mask at all points. Cyclists, runners, dog walkers, everybody wearing mask. I wasn’t. Why? Because in the UK people only wear masks to go into shops and buildings. I was thinking Guernsey people are such rookies, then I remembered they temporarily got rid of the virus whereas its always been about in the UK. Maybe, just maybe, I was the rookie. Kudos to you. I still think running with a mask when you’re nowhere near somebody is OTT, but clearly what do I actually know.

I’ve now booked my return to the UK and will be leaving the motherland once again, it’s such a shame that it wasn't under better circumstances, but it was so nice to see my family after well over a year apart. Yet I will be very grateful to not be stuck in my teenage bedroom again thinking about what I can do for the next 8 hours. I’m sure my mother is also fed up of me eating all her food. I’m also sure my father is also getting tired of the relentless Bilbo Baggins jokes aimed his way. 

Anyway, a la perchoine Guernsey, whenever that may be.

Warmest Regards

CJ 

(this is a nickname that I’ve always wanted to catch on, but I’ve never been cool enough for that to happen, no harm in trying again)

Also here's me in lockdown living my best life, drinking gin and smelling my mothers freesias.