Weekly Wind Up - 5th August to 11th August

Hello and welcome to Jehan's Weekly Wind Up, where I look to dissect the last week's top stories from each day. This is the second edition, the sequel, The Two Towers to The Fellowship Of The Ring, The Chamber of Secrets to The Philosopher's Stone, The Terminator 2 to The Terminator…1? In this week's Wind Up, we'll take a look at the happenings in the US, some British football and a bit of institutional racism, a perfect Sunday read.

Monday 5th August

So Monday’s story was reported on Tuesday, but I’m putting it under Monday, because I’m a maverick, a trend setter if you will. In last week’s Wind-Up I mentioned that only 2 stories come from the USA if it isn’t Trump, it’s mass shootings. Well how wrong could I be, take a look at the photo below.

You’d be mistaken for assuming that Texas was technologically way ahead of it’s time with still pictures in the 17th Century. But this is present day Texas y’all, where police wear cowboy hats, carry a handy bit of rope and publicity treat black people with total contempt for petty crimes. In the words of Childish Gambino "This is America. Don't catch you slippin now", well Texas police you well and truly slipped, less of a slip and more of a total wipe out. Now don’t get me wrong, a crime was committed, that crime was for criminal trespass, I may be wrong but I’m pretty sure this isn’t the process for handling such crimes, or really any crimes for that matter. Wrong again guys, apparently it is in Texas:

“The technique is acceptable in some scenarios, but officers showed poor judgement in this instance.” - Police Chief Vernon Hale August 5th 2019.......2019

Vernon, have a look at your techniques son. I don’t think any scenarios call for humiliation such as this. What happened to everyone’s freedom to judicial process? The US always call upon the Amendments when bearing arms is being questioned, but what about the 8th Amendment: 

'prohibits excessive fines and excessive bail, as well as cruel and unusual punishment'

I’d like to see what these officers define unusual as or even usual for that matter, because I can almost guarantee it isn't the same as my definition. No doubt though that this will all be forgotten about in a few days, those officers will continue with their jobs with a slap on the wrist, and this man will be thrown into the lackadaisical prison system that the US is so renown for, and he’ll probably be given life for wondering into a geographical location.

Tuesday 6th August

I would love to start talking about something in Britain, but I just cannot ignore the US for their appalling start to the week. Trump the loud mouthed, expletive, politically violent puppet of the Republican Party, who have given voices to far right facists, racists and general simpletons, most of whom have already begun their war on anybody who isn’t a WASP (not the insect), although most of this class of people could easily be referred to as a bit of a prick, has blamed video games for the latest mass shootings. Stop me if I’m wrong but the last time I played Tetris, I managed to fight off the urge to shoot up Horsham District’s local supermarche. I know he’s probably referring to games that trivialise violence such as: GTA’s criminal themes, Call of Duty’s war campaigns and The Sims, where you take away the ladder in the swimming pool and drown the whole family. Video games are art, and art reflects life. The Trump administration have pumped trillions into the Military, even though they aren’t fighting any major war….at the moment. Call of Duty follows the, I’m going to put my neck on the line here and say, illegitimate wars in the Middle East that begun under Republican administration. Compared to Chicago or Detroit, GTA could be mistaken for a relaxing game about taking a vacation to a different city. Don’t even get me started on The Sims. 

Let’s all bear in mind that the Texas Walmart shooter was a Trump fan who posted an online manifesto that purported xenophobic ideas and spoke of an ‘invasion of Latinos’ taking over ‘their’ country. I always love when Americans call it ‘their’ country, it’s not dismissive of history at all, although, as we all know, history for Americans didn’t exist before 1776. Yet, it could be argued that Trump's skills as a salesman, say what you want about Trump but he is a very talented communicator, has diverted the viewpoint of the issue from one thing to another. We’ve all been talking about why video games don’t cause/do cause violence rather than the massacres themselves for the last week. Tump is actually far cleverer than we all take him for, his morality however is questionable. It's obvious that Tump and his party don't think video games are to blame, it's the National Gun Association, the Republican party's primary sponsor, that are really at fault. His idea to shift the blame to something else and create debate elsewhere was a stroke of genius for his political gain. But he doesn't fool old Christopher Jehan here, I can see right through him. Or I may be completely wrong and he is thick as pig shit. Either way I live in a different part of the world thankfully, we have our own blonde haired buffoon to deal with.

Wednesday 7th August

Britain still quite quiet this week, so I’m going to tackle, as best I can, the current conflict of Kashmir, no I don’t mean that fantastic material that middle class people wear, I mean the territory dispute between India and Pakistan. Now I'll hold my hands up and say that I haven’t got much of a clue about this subject, so forgive me if my conjecture is misplaced, but I’m assuming most of you who will actually read this will be in a similar position. 

The reason this is on Wednesday is that Pakistan was expelling India’s top diplomat from their country over this. The dispute, this word downplays it a bit (there’s just been a few wars and massacres over it), between the two countries started in 1947 when, you guessed it, British colonialism was about. Britain split British India into two states, India and Pakistan, this went down like a lead ballon, mainly because Britain's ability to create countries hasn’t had the best of successes, see Israel for further context. Since then the Muslim and Hindu population have been at it, claiming the territory as India and Pakistan. It’s currently and officially, in the eyes of Western Civilisation, India, which is why Pakistan aren’t a happy customer. There have been massacres, human rights abuses (that proabably comes under massacres too), Al-Qaeda have got involved, Britain have thrown their hat in the ring, China has watched from the sidelines as they’ve been like “hey, part of it’s ours too.” This has been going on for decades without resolution. And there won’t be a resolution, not until they sit down and become human beings without borders, but that ain’t happening any time soon, Muslims and Hindus have never been the best of pals. Kicking out a diplomat certainly isn’t going to contribute to positive talks. The main reasons they want this territory is for social and political importance, if only there were oil, then America might bring it some could old Uncle Sam freedom. All the while Britain watches on from afar, mostly in complete ignorance to what we created. In all fairness there has always been an element of disregard to most of British Colonialism, it's not in the curriculum at schools, it would be a bit like the Germans completely forgetting about trying too take over Europe that one time, no I don't mean via the European economic union, I mean the wars.

Thursday 8th August

Thursday saw the sporting phenomenon that is Transfer deadline day, a day filled with intensity, speculation, mega moves and the realisation that once again we as a country value football more than we do our society. I am a football fan, I do love transfer deadline day as much as the next, but I am aware that there is too much money involved in sport which could be put to better use. Football has become big business, owners buying clubs as investments rather than for the love of it, like when I bought some new running shoes, I knew full well they are better served with somebody else. £1.4 billion was spent in this window alone, imagine pumping that money into the NHS instead, hang on, I know a certain way to get that on a bus and to the people. 

“We send Football clubs 1.4 billion a window, Lets fund our NHS instead #PLexit.” 

No doubt this argument will see witty tweets such as “yeah but can the NHS bang in a 40 yard screamer from 40 yards in the 90th minute” Well given the opportunity I’m sure the NHS could probably have a better attempt than most players, or they could save the lives of thousands of people, rather than having to watch Harry Maguire heading a blow up ball off a balcony in a nightclub to the adoring cheers of England fans. 

Nevertheless this is an age old argument, the Premier League wages vs Nurses wages have gone on for well over a decade. If were up to me, I would honestly prefer to watch the football back in the 80’s and 90’s, watching Vinnie Jones handle 90 minutes after a massive session the night before, having a cigarette during the half time interval, all for the match day price of a few quid rather than have to shell out up to £60 to watch personality-less, full professionals dab and nay nay after scoring a goal against Burnley. (I am quite vexing of Burnley this weekend, if you know where my allegiances lie, you will understand) But I like many others will be sucked up again for another season by the money machine of the Premier League shelling out £8.99 on a now tv sports day pass to watch Southampton get humiliated by teams like Burnley. I fucking hate Burnley, I know how Will from the Inbetweeners felt like on that bus to his holiday destination. 

Friday 9th August

The UK economy shrank for the 1st time since 2012, by 0.2% between April and June as the official Brexit date looms, and the Pound essentially became the Euro in all aspects but its name. Leading people to ask what was the point in years of austerity, years of council cuts, years of youth centres closing, years of years and years’ music, if we were just going to economically shoot oneself in the foot. In the words of his royal majesty Danny Dyer “Where’s that prick David Cameron?” What he has done is the equivalent to me turning up to work taking a shit in a cabinet (pun very much intended), locking it up, then leaving to sit on my pension while my colleagues deal with the stink. Whereas David can probably live the rest of his life on his pension, mine would only probably let me live for a day or two. I’m not going to argue the merits of Brexit or Remain, that’s a opinion of yours as an individual. The fact of the matter is our economy is shrinking, the pound is weaker, and talks of another recession is here, perfect time to get yourself into a mortgage Chris well done mate. 

I’ve realised as I’ve grown as an adult, and I’ve seen snapshots of multiple of businesses in my time as a Recruitment Consultant, I have come to the realisation that 99% of people actually have no idea what the fuck they are doing, but we are all pretending like we do. My facebook friends list is mostly made up of similar like minded people to myself, that’s probably why they're my friends, either that or I’m just exceedingly nosey, which I most likely am. I see you, person from school I haven’t spoken to in years, I think your kids are ugly. 

Yet it reminds me that I only see 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of information that is on facebook. There is somebody else with a complete different friends list that has a completely differing moral and political compass to me. Maybe i'm in the minority that wanted Remain, as the way everybody on my friends list went on about it, it was a guaranteed winner for us, then we woke up to Nigel Farage boasting his achievements of accomplishing Brexit for all of Britain, all 51% of it. But anyway our Economical manhood is shrinking to the size of a button mushroom, meanwhile the EU is waving their's about the whole place in a presentation of dominance. Time for the Taxpayer to pay once again.

Saturday 10th August

Not much happening on Saturday, which was just as well as I was suffering from an almighty over of the hang variety from the night before. Lauded as National Lazy Day, I managed to make my lazy ass order a KFC via deliveroo, barring in mind that KFC is a 2 minute walk from my home. A home soon to be in negative equity no doubt due to what came out Friday. A few minor things happened on Saturday, for sports fans it was the Premier League starting, I personally watched all the build up, the early afternoon game, all in anticipation too seeing how my beloved Southampton faired against the aforementioned Burnley. Fuck Burnley. 

In America, a convicted Billionaire Paedophile killed himself in jail, he was awaiting a trial on conspiracy of sex trafficking and having intercourse with dozens of underage girls, he pleaded not guilty, but after hanging himself our survey says:

 “probably an admission of guilt"

This is not at all justice, as the victims will never get closure for him being found guilty of his alleged crimes. I realise that he hasn't actually been found guilty, but with all the evidence I've seen on this, there are plenty of signs helping us give a reasonably well estimated guess. 

In Holland it was bloney windy eh, so much so that football club AZ Alkmaar's stadium roof collapsed, I would like to think that the manager would have responded with

"we were hoping to blow the roof off this shheason with our quick posshhesshhion dutchhh total football, but it shheems the wind beat ushh to it." Generic Dutch Manager 2019

If you didn't find that funny, you can find enjoyment in the fact I stacked it down a muddy hill walking my dog Saturday night. 

There was also some awful news from Norway where a shooting occurred at a Mosque and is currently being investigated as a terrorist incident, those bloody video games again.

Sunday 11th August

Last week I wrote one line for Sunday but it worked as it was witty and flowed with Saturday, this week I'm actually going to have to engage my brain this time. As a note, I write this blog during Sunday morning, so I may miss out on some unbelievable news before I publish this, I'll try and cover this with some predictions so if you're reading this late Sunday night or Monday then, can you believe that Boris has finally called for a general election for a fairly appointed government, crazy how Frank Lampard took his suit off and subbed himself on for Chelsea to win it against United in the 87th minute, and is it me or do these Aliens have a strange fascination with our rectal crevasses. 

Boris has already outlined plans today that he wants to create 10'000 prison places and extend stop-and-search powers to combat knife crime in London. The PM has made prison places sound like they are up for grabs like university placements, apply quickly before they're all gone. Stop-and-Search powers are heatedly debated, a large majority feel like it's a subtle force for race discrimination, but on the flip side it is something that has worked significantly in finding weapons in public. What we should be more concerned about is why people are taking knives out in public, whether it be for intimidation, protection or for the midnight kebab that plastic cutlery doesn't quite cut it with (pun klaxon). 

Anyway it is another mechanism for the Boris Johnson political machine, which is cracking down on Crime and Policing policy, especially after the news a few weeks ago that he was looking to recruit 20'000 officers. Best of luck to you if you're thinking of becoming a police officer in the UK where risk heavily outweighs reward, working long intensive shift  hours, being blamed for the public's behaviour and just generally not being liked. The need for extra police just goes to show our country's inability to self-educate, self-govern and instil good morals in our society. Sorry this is all a bit too serious now. Maybe somebody should create a video game where you play as police officer in London, then we can blame that on rising knife crime.   

Thanks for reading, as always your attention is greatly misplaced, your contribution will be gratefully ignored and my craving for gratification will be neglected. One suggestion I got from a friend last week was to be less expletive and more subtle, but he's a fucking prick so it doesn't matter. Stay tuned for next week, or don't, up to you.

Bye.